Unlike many other blogs about weight loss journeys, I will not write some long post, detailing my emotions about my weight, leaving the actual numbers at the end. I've always preferred doing things backwards. So, here it is. The scale at 7:30 this morning.
That can't be right. I zeroed out the scale and tried again...
ouch.
I mean, cut me some slack. I just had a baby... 17 months ago. I guess this brings us to the 'why'. Some of you may look at that number and think it's unimaginably high. To some of you, it may be low, even a goal. It's the highest I've seen the scale, other than at the end of my last pregnancy. I don't like it. I feel a lot like I do at the end of a pregnancy. I'm tired, lethargic, moody, all around miserable! It's not as tolerable when you're not growing a human. It's actually, pretty frustrating.
For the first time this summer I had to purchase clothes in the 'plus' size section. I went to Target a few weeks ago, I pulled my trusty size 16 from the rack (Sidebar: I've been a size 16 for years. Sometimes it's tight, sometimes baggy, but I always squeaked by on the big end of normal), and went into the dressing room. I wanted to make sure the shorts that were on sale were an appropriate length for a now 30 year old. They.didn't.button. The pockets pulled across my hips creating little ears. That brand must run small. I grabbed 2 more size 16's in 2 other styles/brands. Same problem. Teary eyed I reached for a size 18 from the "woman's" section. (Thank you Target, for trying not to make me feel fat by calling it the woman's section) They fit. I was barely comfortable wearing a size 18 in the stinking big girl clothes. COME'ON! Really?? Several friends and I agree that after a woman turns 30, there are a lot more tears. The drive home from Target had tears.
I've struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. I've always been the 'chubby' friend. Even when I was thin (for a very brief time), I wasn't healthy. I've always been inclined to reach for the chips instead of the grapes. And being pregnant so often allowed me the excuse to eat 'whatever baby wanted'. I've always made bad decisions regarding food, and it's catching up to me.
I really don't want my kids to follow my example. In every other aspect of our lives, my kids have it better than I did. Not that I had a terrible upbringing. I just make it a point, a goal, to provide the absolute best in everything else. Why is food so different? Don't misunderstand, I'm providing my children great meals. We have delicious beef tips and gravy, a huge meatloaf with homemade mashed potatoes, my mac and cheese (that includes an entire stick of butter, 4 cups of shredded cheese, and a truckload of other crap). We eat good, but we don't eat well. That is going to change, starting today.
Come back tomorrow to see how The Purge went and check out what I'm filling my fridge with now!
How I wish I could sit on your couch with you in this journey, my dear friend. I just ate four chocolate chip cookies instead of the fruit I could have been munching or the something else I could have been facing that I avoid looking at while I'm eating. Love to you!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are making some very healthy lifestyle changes! Keep it up girl! I too, and trying to loose the rest of my baby weight. Check out my meal planning post at mustardseedfamily.com (meal planning 101). I find that the reason I chose bad snacks is because they were readily available. So I started making healthy snacks easy to grab when I'm feeling like a bar of chocolate goodness. Also, I have stopped using the scale, and actually am considering throwing it away. Weight is a horrible way to check your progress. If you work out, you will gain muscle which weighs more than fat...thus you gaining weight when you're trying to loose. I have decided to set a goal using measurements instead of pounds. My goal this summer is to loose 4 inches off of my hips/love handles. So I watch my calorie intake and do exercises that will help me reach that goal. The reason I do it that way is because I used to have an eating disorder, and that scale isn't healthy for me to concentrate on. I wish you the best on your journey and I am loving this blog...it's so encouraging to hear from someone who's going through the same thing :-)
ReplyDelete-Janell
Thank you! I was thinking about starting to measure instead or even in addition to weighing in. You make a good point about muscle weighing more.
DeleteAnd you are SO right about the snacks! If I had a bag of chips in the house, I'd much rather just pop them open than deal with cutting up an apple. I guess it's part of the struggle.